stephosaur

I've been feeling rather strangely lately. I'm not positive why. I went to a party today, and it was fun. Quite fun, actually. That was a relief because I haven't been having an incredible amount of fun. Enjoying life is proving to be harder than it should be, and I feel really guilty about it because I'm a suburban American girl...how could I possibly have it any better?

I will be staying in Oxford for a bit...which will be therapeutic, I assume. I like it there, but I'm worried that it might make my current confusion worse. I want to be able to move on from what happened before and think of now...but it's harder to accomplish than one would think. People change in the oddest ways. Sometimes I feel like everything is the way it was before, and then others, I'm feeling more isolated than I have ever felt before. My friends and family have been trying to help in the best way that they can, but have ultimately been failing. I suppose it's a situation I must deal with myself.

I feel cheated. I'm not positive why. I think I need closure...and I need to feel like I know what's going on with myself. I don't understand why I'm still hung up over stuff that happened at least 3 years ago. I will always feel like part of me is trapped back then. The weirdest part is that some days I think that I'm completely free and over what happened...and then all of a sudden I realize that I was mistaken and I'm still just as trapped as before; if not more so.

I wish I could explain it.

Hello world. I'm back. Back on livejournal and it's 7/7/07 and I hope you have a good one. I have a pirate party to attend today. I'm looking forward to it. I'm working on a video right now. Who knows how that's going to go...I'm sort of new to it...and I don't really know what I'm doing...oh and my camera sucks...but you know, it's the thought that counts?